More psychology, less neuroscience…for now.
Richardson, E., Beath, A., & Boag, S. (2022). Default defenses: the character defenses of attachment-anxiety and attachment-avoidance. Current Psychology, 42(32), 28755–28770.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-022-03919-w
Claudia, V. (2020). Co-Dependency in Intimate Relationship-A Learned Behaviour. International Journal of Theology, Philosophy and Science.
https://doi.org/10.26520/IJTPS.2020.4.6.82-89
Gauvin, S. E. M., Maxwell, J. A., Impett, E. A., & MacDonald, G. (2024). Love Lost in Translation: Avoidant Individuals Inaccurately Perceive Their Partners’ Positive Emotions During Love Conversations. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 0(0).
https://doi.org/10.1177/01461672241258391
Sessa, I., D'Errico, F., Poggi, I., & Leone, G. (2020). Attachment Styles and Communication of Displeasing Truths. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1065.
Introduction
Yes I know we haven't talked about the brain for quite a while but bear with me. Knowledge has to be built upon to properly appreciate the research that goes into it, although this portion of psychology may seem like pseudo science to some. Today we are going to talk about the two attachment styles.
.png)
Richardson et al., 2022
A healthy, secure relationship is typically a partnership based on interdependence. However, someone with an anxious attachment style, fearing abandonment due to past trauma, often tries to overcompensate, leading to unhealthy levels of codependence. Codependence is marked by an excessive reliance on one’s partner, and anxious individuals frequently sacrifice their own autonomy in the relationship (Claudia, 2020). This is because individuals with the anxious attachment style are usually described as feeling either "not enough" or "too much" in a romantic relationship, so they then overcompensate. The traits of an anxious person are the complete opposite of those of an avoidant person, but these very traits can attract avoidants initially. Since avoidants struggle to express their emotions, the anxious partner often ends up showing emotions for both of them, until the avoidant feels overwhelmed and either abruptly ends the relationship or gradually distances themselves. The lack of closure from the avoidant during this process can leave the person being broken up with feeling shocked and confused. In fact, the avoidant can often be seen mirroring the very behaviors that led them to develop these tendencies in the first place.
The avoidant type is categorized as either avoidant or disorganized avoidant. To clear up any confusion, I will now refer to the avoidant individual as dismissive avoidant, distinguishing them from the disorganized avoidant and shed light on some of the indifferent behaviors they may exhibit under stress. No matter their specific type, there are certain recurring patterns in relationships involving avoidants.
The first major point is their tendency to undermine healthy relationships (Claudia, 2020). The reasons behind this self-sabotage vary, but it typically happens when the relationship starts to get serious, which can be quite frightening for the avoidant for various reasons. Next, there's the ongoing habit of shifting the goalposts concerning their partner. Avoidants tend to subconsciously test their partner, and if the partner meets the avoidant's internal criteria, the avoidant will raise the stakes until the partner ultimately fails the test (Gauvin et al., 2024). This unhealthy tactic is part of a larger need to shift blame and avoid taking responsibility by pinpointing flaws in their partner. The aim of this approach is to create a justification for why the relationship was destined to fail from the start. Lastly, avoidants struggle significantly with communication, as they haven't learned how to effectively tackle tough topics or articulate their desires and needs (Sessa, et al., 2020). They perceive bluntness as a form of strength and often overlook how their words impact the other person.
← Blog Post 12.5
Blog Post 14 →